Thanksgiving Fun

Thanksgiving is almost here and everywhere I go I hear chatter about the many things one still has to pick up at the grocery store in time to prepare this year’s most fabulous Thanksgiving dinner. Many of you will be trying out new recipes, others will learn it for the first time and of course there are those who will just order them through a grocery or restaurant chain. Whatever you do, however you cook does not really matter. What is most important is that you gather around the family table and have a good time. For this reason, I decided to look around the web and find Thanksgiving jokes you can all laugh about and maybe share with your family this year while enjoying that great big Turkey. I hope these will make you chuckle.

1. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare.  They take 12 minutes to consume. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” ~ Erma Bombeck

2. “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~ John Stewart

3. The Turkey that President Obama will pardon this year is from California. The turkey said: “I don’t need a pardon. I need a job.” ~ Conan O’Brien

4. Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat. ‘HEy how about at Thanksgiving we just overeat a lot? ‘But we do that everyday!’ Oh, what if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?” ~Jim Gaffigan

5.  ”Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” ~ Stephen Colbert

6. ”Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” ~Johnny Carson

7. ”Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” ~ Kevin James

8. ”Here I am 5 o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt…” ~ Roseanne Barr

9. ”My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.” ~ Rita Rudner

10. ”On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.” ~ Author Unknown

11. ”We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” ~ George Carlin

12. “I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.” ~ Mitch Hedbergs

13. “When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.  But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.  Only kidding.  It was the cat!”~ David Letterman

15. “Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” ~ Michael Dresser

16. “I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” ~ Craig Ferguson

17. “I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.” ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

18. “Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, “Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England”. ~ Jay Leno

19. ”Thanksgiving is possible only for those who take time to remember; no one can give thanks who has a short memory” ~ Author Unknown

20. ”Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.” ~ Rita Rudner

Do you have any funny Thanksgiving quotes or saying? Feel free to share! We can never have enough laughter in life.

Happy Holidays!